The following account illustrates the struggle to come to terms with possible alien contact. name withheld for privacy.
Coming To Terms With Possible Alien Contact
I was raised in a middle to upper class Canadian neighborhood. Throughout my life I have had experiences that range from possible ESP to ghosts to UFOS. Contrary to what some may believe by that admission, I am not mentally ill, nor ever have been. I have suffered from bouts of high anxiety and I have sought psychological counselling in the past. And I’m glad that I pursued this avenue, along with frequent medical exams, simply because it was, in one sense, a great relief to know that I was in fair health, both mentally and physically. Yet, on another level it was terrifying in that had I been given a diagnosis, that could explain these experiences, at least I would not have had to consider other uncontrollable, unimaginable and to the majority irrational reasons for them. In my mind, reasons which seemingly fit the abduction scenario.
I grew up in a non-religious household, one where I learned that “science would explain everything” and hold all truths. This to me is a fallacy at least at this time and through science as we know it. These experiences I know I’ve had and how I perceive them, cannot be explained away easily and therefore all things considered created great turmoil in my mind and to a much lesser extent still do if only because I still have no control over them.
It’s difficult for me writing this out, and I still fear public ridicule and the reactions of my family, friends, co-workers, neighbours, and associates. I give credit to those who do come forward, as this is a club that I never wanted to join. I thank you for this opportunity to share my experiences, but doubt it will ever go beyond the confines of a nameless, faceless computer screen. Although I assure you I am a very real person who lives life in much the same manner as most.
I never realized until approx. a year ago that what I had experienced all of my remembered life fit into what others termed a possible alien abduction or contact. Yet, here I am today, almost as if in a confessional stating that yes, I think I too share in these experiences, whatever there true cause, and despite how rational thought might dictate otherwise.
I have had two UFO sightings, one at close range that was unmistakable for exactly what it was. I watched it for a good 10 minutes and will concede that it could have been something of ours, something beyond our wildest imaginings, but in my heart I know differently. In all truth these are words that probably only others who have been in my shoes can understand.
Both UFO encounters involved more witnesses than myself, and both were of such duration and proximity that I knew they were not a misidentification, nor hallucination. These events took me willing or no out of the category of believer to one of, I know these objects exist, I know they cannot be explained away, I know this phenomena is real! Eye opener is putting it mildly, although I was raised to believe that life existed outside of our own planet and that it was a foregone conclusion that science would indeed prove it to be fact one day. I can honestly say however, that I never had a real interest in the UFO phenomenon previously.
The above experiences occurred when I was an adult. My childhood however, seemed plagued by differing phenomena, one that most people would class as ghosts. My earliest recollection of seeing an apparition was as a very young child in the company of my parents and a real estate agent. It was broad daylight, in a brand new home, and I apparently was the only one who saw it. I’ve also experienced poltergeist phenomena, o.o.b.e. strange visions and dreams, synchronicities, but fortunately have yet to encounter Elvis! Sometimes the only way we can deal with these things is through humor and why I tend to poke fun at myself often.
These experiences seemed very real to me, yet instinctively as a child and later as a teen I never shared them with anyone except for a select few and never all together until much later and well into my 30’s. I was afraid often, knew it was abnormal, feared for my sanity, while tight rope walking. The illusion being, what I considered a normal person was. Well I am normal; I’m just confronted with the fact that I’ve had more experiences than most with what is considered the paranormal.
I did not report my first UFO sighting right away, which took a long time and came about through unexpected circumstances. In other words I did not go looking to do so. I remember clearly mulling through my head how much do I tell this person (the investigator). Fearful still, of what others thought of me, how they would perceive something so highly personal and yet so ludicrous even at times to myself.
One incident I used to justify my sanity and ability to reason was what I had buried in the back of my mind as a fever induced hallucination. It occurred when I was 10 and in bed. I remember being wide-awake, but fuzzy headed. I looked up at the ceiling of my bedroom and saw in its place the night sky. I could see the stars and I could see what appeared to be disc-like objects suspended above me in descent. They glowed as if covered by an exterior mist. And my child’s mind immediately recognized them and knew that “they” were coming to get me and I did not want to go. I was in utter terror.
This vision, as I call it, cleared and the fuzzy headed feeling subsided as the room returned to normal. I remember glancing at the clock on the dresser, but I cannot remember the time. I also remember the sound of wind chimes, which to this day irritate me and perhaps this is why. As I looked around the room there stood on either side of the bed and at the foot what I can only call an unknown life form. They seemed much larger than myself human-like in appearance only glowing orange. I remember being completely shocked and terrified that they were there, and I also remember screaming. My mother entered the room and I instinctively knew she wasn’t seeing what I was and then I blacked-out with no further memory.
The way I had remembered this event it seemed so extreme that even as a child I believed it could not be real, yet I knew it was. It was as if my mind split and the decision was made to categorize this as a non-event left buried for twenty plus years thusly.
Why the decision was made to use this of all incidents as my justification I can only speculate. Perhaps a subconscious cry for help? As I began to immerse myself in this topic I soon realized that it is classic in description amongst the bedroom abduction scenarios. I did not know that at age 10 nor until fairly recently. This was knowledge I gained on my own. No one pointed it out to me.
Until this time my exposure to the subject was limited to the occasional tabloid that my sibling and I would purchase as teens and in all honesty laugh at. The exception for myself were stories of abductions, for no matter how outrageous I always felt a very strong but unexplainable protectiveness of them. As I began much later in life to give an in-depth look to this most unusual of topics I started a notebook keeping a diary if you will of all the odd synchronicities, dreams, medical history and other circumstances that began taking me down the pathway of admitting to myself what in my mind is the true nature of my experiences. An extremely emotionally difficult task at times, considering the split mind set of utter skeptic and true believer. I still do not accept things at face value, and continually question.
The contents of the notebook are extremely lengthy for this type of forum, but I can give you some parallels within my life to that of other suspected abduction experiencers, that have been documented by various abduction researchers.
Medically
-Abnormal nosebleeds, sinus pain, and migraine headaches from childhood on – I have had three skull x-rays producing no results in other words I am supposedly fine.
-Extremely rare autoimmune disorder with no known cause or cure.
-Lengthy history of feminine problems including apparent false pregnancy syndrome.
-Extremely low-blood pressure with a continuous craving of salt. I ingest huge amounts of vitamins also.
- Insomnia – followed by long bouts of dreamless sleep to which I have found unexplainable bruising and scarring in locations that do not make sense.
Mentally/Emotionally
-Fear of the dark, but only within my own home and only at certain times. Fear of open closets are also an issue.
-Obsessive compulsive in regards to personal and home security will check to make sure all windows and doors are locked several times and never fully satisfied. For years I could not sleep day or night without a baseball bat by my bed or a hammer under my pillow. I continue to live in a state of high security although I do not suffer paranoia.
-Fears of not being “safe” but again only at certain times and this is not dependant on whether or not I am alone at the time. There are times when I could be in a room full of people and still feel as if I’m vulnerable to something I fear, though I do not know what.
-Suffered at various times high anxiety although I am neither delusional nor fantasy-prone. Again, throughout my adulthood I voluntarily sought help for what I believed were possible psychiatric issues. And to that I will reiterate I am a fully functioning member of society.
-Fear of wind chimes, but just the sound. I do have them placed in the interior of my home.
-I do not have a fear of alien nor UFO images however get uncomfortable with depictions of certain procedures, particularly one that was created by another abductee.
I would like to add here that I have worked very hard to manage these issues, but this is not always easy.
I enjoy all manner of leisure that take me to isolated locales. Camping, hiking (often alone in forested areas). As a young teen I would skip school and instead of going to a mall would on occasion go for long walks through the woods and stay apparently for hours at a time. I never wore a watch as a kid nor wear a watch during leisure activities as an adult, so cannot honestly say if I have ever missed time. I do find it curious though that I always felt compelled to take these solitary hikes to one area in particular that I viewed as a mysterious cave although in truth it is not a cave at all. I often spend time alone enjoying the use of my telescope.
Following the above forest theme I have been plagued by dreams that felt so real again involving waking out of my bed and walking through the woods, guided by the sounds of an owl. Owls seem to have some hidden meaning to those who experience the abduction phenomenon. My kindred spirit if you will, has always been the wolf.
The area that these particular incidents would occur is the same as where I had my first UFO sighting and much later learned was the same area of other reported sightings, including a possible entity and other possible abductions of a child my age (although this person was unknown to me at the time). These documented cases all revolved around an area less than 3 kms from my home and fit the time frame.
Added to these are the incidents that involve others family/friends and I do not feel it necessary at this time to go into further details, as I would not wish to violate their confidences and trust in me. Yet these incidences such as those above further aid in creating a bigger picture. Taken alone some of these can easily be explained away, looked upon as a whole the speculation appears to take on new significance.
I cannot convince you that these experiences were the result of some extraterrestrial life form visiting us, surreptitiously with an agenda that we (as humans) may be incapable of comprehending as of yet. Nor is that my intention. And to be brutally honest, I am long past the point of needing second-party validation with much appreciation and thanks to a respected friend who was one of the very few who I felt believed me fully and pointed me in the right directions knowingly or no, at a time when I needed the boost. But, with that said I do believe that this scenario does fit the facts as I see them even if I can admit that I continue to question those facts if only to help myself come to a greater understanding. I have reconciled the issue, deal with it, and now have gained my sought for inner peace.
